Self capture

Written by Anthony Osman on .

So this evening after checking what photographs I want to get printed for my interview on Friday in Hitchin I played about with recording. Trying on different speed of talking and changing my poster from relaxed to upright and noting the effect it has on my delivery. For the most part though I hardly recognise the person being played back in the recording. I sound very much different than what I here when normally specking. There is a dry whisper contained within my throat and my voice sounds a little hi and whiney and often mumbled. No wonder why I feel as though what I think that I have been portraying to others and what they actually see does not match up. A common complaint with women has been "I don't get you, I cannot tell if you're serious or not". I guest past habits of not speaking up, withdrawing and not using my voice has had a big impact on my mannerisms. The more I record myself in a natural state, the more I can evaluate and change. This would differ from the mirror because I get to watch back on actions that have happened and not witness them occurring and acting upon that. The recording come about because of few people mention having a stab at spoken word. I've done some performance before, I can tell a funny story or two and also a not so funny story (plenty of them). I think I will give it a stab and place some one man and a camera onto YouTube. It cannot really hurt to run an idea by and try out some chit chat to a lens, I mean I talk to myself constantly anyways so might as well put a lens in front of me when doing it. I will use my SD Cannon mini-dv tape recorder from my time at university and shotgun mic. also. Getting use to hearing my voice recorded will be the first hurdle along with interesting content. It will aid me in sounding deeper, more confident and thoughtful. I will be happy with this, as long as I am not projecting an image of "waste of space" again. Though that have never been true, just someone fishing for excuses to defeat their emotions with logic maybe. I dunno; I can only speak for myself. And yeah for long time I did believe I amounted to little worth, however that ship has sunk and I am now sailing the winds of prosperity. I have an idea that studying my body language will aid me further in walking the walk as well as talking the talk. I know I keep preaching to believe in yourself, keep going for your dreams, exorcise regularly, take risks and love. I do practice this all as well to become more self confident and gain the things I want in life and goals I would desire to achieve. Examples; lets say I want to go up and talk to a girl. Before I would look at her, then again, and again, tell myself she's really pretty, think why would she want to go out with me, I have nothing to offer, I'm not good looking, I am perpetually skint... and so on. Now I see a girl question if I do like her, take a breath draw an imaginary line and start talking, usually I say "Hello, my name is Anthony" and go from there, because there's always something to talk about. Now this my happen strait away, in little while or I miss my shot. I try not to fail in just approaching because I wanted to meet her. That is all, just to introduce myself. I keep it as simple as that, then there is less baggage to carry about a pressure to succeed in winning affection. Hell if someone told me every time you are going to go out the front door people are going to objectify you and see you only as sexual fantasy; I would not leave the flat. This however is reality for the majority of women in our world today. I say I still get to be a good guy, if I respect, appreciate, be honest and genially add value and receive the same in return. I would of met a wonderful person that I would like to know. First and foremost I will be meeting a person when I am out and so will anybody interacting. A sales assistant, ticket officer, bar tender, builder, librarian and so on are all each a person to know, not a label, object, income, slave or toy. For me it all comes down to giving people the time day, and looking for that in others. I walk with a smile because I know how much a smile means to me when I receive one. Another example would be regular exorcise; it keep your body ticking right. You start to feel stronger, faster and happier. You will notice the difference in your appearance and so will others, and believe you me there will be complements guarantied. You start to find that your cutting down on toxins (drinking, smoking and trashy food) so your body performs better. Then there is taking risks; the easiest way to get to something you want is to just start doing it. You'll find you will better at whatever it is that you want as you go. None of this but I need this before, I just have to find out that, only when I ready. Sod all that just give it a go, make the best of what you've got and develop from there. Here is the key to success, do the best you can, make mistakes and learn form them, try again and always reward yourself for making the effort. For me I feel and do better when I keep on working on what I want. All my negativity comes form when I am not working toward what I want (sitting on my arse and wasting time). So it is only fair to say the more I pursue my dreams the happier I will be. No part of that contains mention of money or objects. I only talk about my effort being the direct relation to smiles. Think of money as like a tool to harbour and use, not crutch for your dreams in life.